It's 1:26 a.m. and I can't sleep. Naturally, I am blogging.
Today was a weird day. One of those days where something is off, but you can't really pin point it.
Something I am starting to realize as I get older, it's definitely okay not to be okay. We are conditioned to think we have to be happy, beautiful and perfect all of the time. We are conditioned not to show any weakness or tell the truth. We are conditioned to never open up to others and be vulnerable and honest. I truly hope everyone's life is as grand as they make it look on Facebook, because I am sure it's exhausting.
Once upon a time, I had a best friend who decided to write letters with me when I nannied in California. Today I saw a quote on Tumblr that reminded me of the entire experience:
I remember through the entire experience thinking I could not show any weakness to anyone. I had to make my So-Cal life look amazing, and it was.. in some ways. But it was mostly depressing. I remember writing her a letter admitting that things were "getting really really hard." She wrote back and said, "I thought so. I didn't think you were really having as much fun as your facebook made me think."
The other day I read the journal that I had kept at that time, and cried for myself.
As I keep writing this post, I really don't know why I am. I guess these are just life thoughts I am having at 1:30 am.
There's really nothing quite as beautiful as vulnerability. I wish I knew who this quote was from, because I love it so much.
“I love unmade beds. I love when people are drunk and crying and cannot
be anything but honest in that moment. I love the look in people’s eyes
when they realize they’re in love. I love the way people look when they
first wake up and they’ve forgotten their surroundings. I love the gasp
people take when their favorite character dies. I love when people close
their eyes and drift to somewhere in the clouds. I fall in love with
people and their honest moments all the time. I fall in love with their
breakdowns and their smeared makeup and their daydreams. Honesty is just
too beautiful to ever put into words.”